The MotherVerse Blog: mothering out loud

“You’re not finished cleaning your room,” I stared at my twelve year-old daughter sitting on her step-sister’s bed.

That was yesterday so I can’t recall exactly what was said next, but it was all delivered in cranky tones from both of us. Sixty seconds later, she brushed past me, uttered something in a huffy tone about me not caring about her and closed her bedroom door behind her with a slight slam.

I resisted my urges to stomp into her room or yell something through the closed door. The power struggle had escalated and I knew I wanted to withdraw from the conflict so we could soon think logically again.

We all had work to do, so I resumed the task of moving my training supplies into the Harry Potter closet, our name for the deep narrow room under the stairs.

After making some progress organizing my training supplies, I warmed up leftover lasagna and sat down at the kitchen table to eat my lunch. I hadn’t been chewing long when to the left of my plate appeared the red journal. I hadn’t seen the journal in a while, but there was no mistaking the bright red book I had purchased and given to my daughter six months ago. A black ribbon adorned with white polka dots wraps around a bright solid red cloth cover.

On September 13, 2007 I gave the red journal to my daughter. On the first page I wrote

Dear Daughter,

This journal is for us – you and me. I’ll write to your and you can write to me – about whatever we wan to write to each other. I love you so much. I want so much for you. I know your life is changing a lot right now. I know you’re unsure of some things right now. Be sure that I want the best for you                                                         .

Love, Mom

We’ve written back and forth to each other several times and most often during conflicts. I’m not sure if it’s the permanence of the written word or what, but my daughter and I write much kinder words to each other than we say out loud during a conflict.

Today, she wrote her feelings about the conflict and in closing, asked what else she needed to do to finish cleaning her room. At the bottom she wrote, “Write back.”

I went to talk to her face to face about the conflict, but I want to write back today. This time I want to write at a time when we’re not in a conflict. I want to simply tell her how much I care about her, her future and her feelings.  I think at the bottom, I’ll write, “Write back.”